Thursday, January 18

i did some resumes today. that makes me feel good.
i will go out and do a couple more apps tomorrow, so i will have done about 5 for the week. hopefully i'll be able to do some followups on those next week. if not, i'll start over.

i look over and over at the social services section, and the education section. i'd say i'm convinced that that's where my heart lies. i'm having thoughts about adult ed? guess i should try everything before i decide. phooey. if only i had a mom to make all the arrangements for me. or a social director. or a maid. or a concierge.

i'll just pretend to be my own mother. not my mom. but someone like that. like if i were a mom. i'll pretend. play act. it'll work great.

Sunday, January 14

number one: what makes me happy? energized and optimistic? feel as though I have worth in my own eyes?

nature makes me happy - fresh air and stars and flowers. time alone, or the prospect of it. worship, prayer. camps. travel and adventure. solving complex problems/ challenges.

i think it's important to really ask yourself what makes you joyful and fulfilled, rather than just happy. i haven't done that so much before.

question two - which of my traits make me glad to be me? what am i like when i'm at my best?

intelligence. problem solving. eye for art/beauty. energy to get things done. capable-ness. strength.
i'm together. inspired. listening. understanding. quick. challenged. enough challenge so i don't have time for pride.

what top five values do i strive to live by or admire in others?

selflessness. simplicity. self knowledge. diligence. love.

what do i want to have accomplished when i look back upon my life in old age?

hell if i know.

i'd like to have many stories to tell. stories of different lands. stories of eccentric people. stories of taking risks, and of doing crazy things.
i want to know myself.
i want to have faith like a rock.
i want to have served God honestly and fully, without holding back anything.
i want to still be serving.
i want to have found a dream and followed it.

this is all still really ambiguous, nothing concrete at all.